APRIL, 2004



Mythic Prelude

Travelin' Crooks


  As everyone with an interest in the mythic cycles of the year learns early on, the importance of April, apart from its position at the top of spring amid showers that stroke the Earth and help quicken new life, is that it celebrates the transition from Aries month (3/20 - 4/19), ruled by Mars, to Taurus month (4/19 - 5/20), ruled by Venus, and along with it the eternal, hopeful, irresistible and impossible marriage that is at best an unstable compound or uneasy alliance, at the other extreme a battle of the sexes in which the weaponry gets deadlier, the spy game trickier, the peace accord more vindictive all the time, at least among those who no longer hold in vision the Grail of Love, but know only the Cup of Fear.

  In truth, the three-month cycle of Spring has always been a three-act drama in which the dynamic and inherently conflictive urges of Mars rule Act One, the deliciously conciliatory energies of Venus rule Act Two, and the Hieros Gamos, or Divine Marriage celebrated in the month of Juno, rules Act Three. The marriage can last only if it is founded in spiritual love. When it is not, and it usually is not, it fails, and has to be attempted all over again in another Spring.   

  So next month's Calendar will be mainly about Venus, and about the extraordinary trend of Venus events that begin on April 19 when the Sun enters Taurus, continue through Aug. 7 as Venus is both confessor and communicator over a very long four-month stay in Gemini, and climaxe on June 8 at the Venus Occultation or Venus passage that was briefly noted in the March Mythic Prelude, and will be the main mythic topic next month.

  Until Taurus Month begins on 4/19, and with it a time when the feminine is favored and empowered -- indeed, for some women, the challenge of Taurus Month 2004 will be in learning how to use beauty for medicinal purposes only -- our emphasis is on Mars, and on the two main astral aspects he forms while the Sun is still in Aries:

  4/5: At the Full Moon -- relatively uncomplicated, except for a trine (120° angle) between the Moon in Libra and Neptune in Aquarius, and a sextile (60°) between Neptune and Sun in Aries -- Mars in Gemini crosses into a square (90°) with Jupiter in Virgo. The best thing that can be said about this intensely unpleasant relationship between the hot teenager who wants to take the car out and peel some rubber, and the father who won't give him the keys, is that it does tend to be decisive, as one would expect from a clash between Warrior and Ruler. The emphasis here is more upon conflict resolution than the conflict itself, and on how we will pick up the pieces and assemble them into something new.

  4/14: Mars in Gemini trine Neptune in Aquarius. These two planets are related at an arc of 120° ("trine") for the nine days from 4/9 to 4/18, but 4/14 is the giddiest: the moment when creative inspiration in motion, dance itself, is driven by Mars the Red Warrior. From the Mythic Prelude for April, 2003:

  "The male warrior is only one of many mythic types, male and female, who rule . . . Aries month . . . . Their common trait is that they are all makers, bearers and thieves of creative fire. Among those who enjoy envisioning conflict of Biblical proportions, April has long been called the month when kings go forth to W Word, and many have been suckered for millennia by the scam that April belongs to Mars the Warrior. It does, but only in the sense that the True Warrior is actually all men and women who practice the virtues of courage, endurance, discipline, patience, resourcefulness and protectiveness, and the arts of building, saving, fire making and mercy. This type is firm in the practice of love." (For more on the other type, the Black Mars, see The Fires of Mars from last August.)

  The tendency of Mars to take fire by force when he can, and steal it by fraud when he must, has always been a part of his character, especially as he ages from Achilles into Agamemnon or Odysseus, and may even devolve further -- as an afflicted Mars is tense with fraud and lies are invariably the product of fear -- into a psychopathic personality as typified by Donald Rumsfeld, whose recent statement that "There are no good targets in Afghanistan. There are lots of good targets in Iraq" represents perfectly the image of the psychopath, or "anti-social personality," that Dr. Hervey Cleckley (in The Mask of Sanity) compares to a gourd with a material outside (the "mask"), but no spiritual content within. To paraphrase Dr. Cleckley: There's nothing there. No conscience, no guilt, no remorse. They're great actors, though.

   Apart from the general proclivity of Mars to be economical with the truth in April -- why else does April Fool's Day fall today, and the IRS and millions of taxplayers try to scam each other two weeks from now? -- it is evident now in the United States, as gourds on high vines brace themselves for the knife of knowledge and the tap of truth, as Dick Cheney secretly teaches Rumsfeld how to stay in the lower register of his voice, and still can't get Dr. Rice to try to look like "Condi" and soften a face that would scare Dostoyevsky's Grand Inquisitor, that the mask will hardly hold until July, much less into November; and when Republicans try to steal the presidential election again -- this time by computer voting fraud -- there may be too many truth tellers, and too many truth tricksters, aligned against them. Or maybe not.

  At a time when the Simeda company of Romania is now marketing in the USA a device called a SoundCover, which supplies fake background noises for cell phones -- so users can claim to be at the freeway, the church or the bank, and not home with a hangover -- how do we get ready to crack the gourds, lance the lies and clean up the present and growing horror? By telling the truth at almost all times, except when we are beating the conspirators and liars at their own game when we can, and by delivering the goods in laughter and the language and rhythms that people know and like, so we make it fun for them to wake up. We attempt the kind of comedy that follows here, a rant the author did last night in Honolulu, in a cross between hip hop and hunt rhythms:

Travelin' Crooks:

Those travelin' crooks are runnin' everywhere

Travelin' crooks are runnin' everywhere

Travelin' crooks

With irresistible looks

Travelin' crooks are runnin' everywhere.

It's only what you already know        About how some months ago,

You heard it from the FBI        And the CIA

And the other spies        Lookin' every which way

That your family is in danger.

There are chemicals in the air,        Biologicals in the air,

There's botulism in the air,        Dioxin in the air,

There's anthrax in the air,        And so much danger in the air,

That you        Better line your windows,

Line your doors,        Line your ceilings,        Line your floors

With duct tape        And plastic sheeting.

And when you're done,        You line everyone around you,

And then you line yourself        Right into the bag.

But did you know

That all of the duct tape in America        Is made by two companies,

And of those two companies,        There is just one company

That gave

One        Hundred        Thousand dollars

To the Bush campaign in Two        Thousand?

Did you know about that?        Bet you didn't. Now you do.

Who's gonna tell you?        Me, that's who.

I deal in the truth.         I don't run lies.

I'm not the government,        I'm not the spies.

I'm not the media,        I'm not the rich.

I'm not some corporate son of a        Hahaaaaaah!

I know all about it.

'Cause I ran a contest        To find the snazziest

And also the funniest        And even the sexiest ways

To use duct tape        And plastic sheeting

To Stop the War        And scam some Republicans

Who deserve it        Deep and bad.

What won the contest?        What took the prize?

You will never believe your eyes.

It was this:

It's a Dick         Cheney

Bone Builder

Just like on the internet.

The Halliburton Hardon

Right here in your hand.

How does it work? Haw!

Well, for fourteen days,

Every night when you go to sleep

You park your penis in

The Bone Builder.

Nothin' happens for a while

And for those fourteen days,

It looks like nothin' ever will,

But then amazingly,

And so miraculously,

Even if you started

With a teeny little dicklet     No bigger than a Freedom fry,

Now all of a sudden

You are        The owner of the boner of the year

You've got        The bone they moan for now

You can take it to the bank.

Does it really work?        No way. It's a scam!

Brought to you by        People on the lam

It isn't worth        A tenth of a damn.

So how        Can we realize

In the land of Travelin' Crooks

Maximum predatory profit        From this opportunity?

We find 25,000 morons,        All of them Rush


Ditto heads

With little tiny penises       And we sell 'em all the Bone Builder.

They send us $80 dollars each,        And when the money all comes in,

We've got two million dollars

And we fly off to Monaco        Or meringue into Buenos Aires

Or sail the isles of Greece        Or we slip into Leningrad.

It doesn't exist anymore,

So it's the perfect place        To hide yourself out for a while.

And then after a while,        We run it all again

With the penis patch        And the penis pill,

The penis drink        And whatever you will,

The penis tea        And the penis gel,

The penis software        And the penis spell,

The penis bank        And the penis trick,

Almost anything to get a new         Hahaaaaaah!

I know all about it.

You want to beat those travelin' crooks?

Then think like a travelin' crook,

And move like a travelin' crook

Use your nose like a travelin' crook

Cookin' the books,

The travelin' crooks are runnin' everywhere,

Runnin' everywhere. (3x)

  And that's it for now. Keep holding that frequency.


Copyright 2004 Dan Furst


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